HOW TO GET and KEEP A MAN

Dear DL,

Maybe you can help me out. I'm lost and confused. I was with this guy for a year and we couldn't seem to get things right. Our relationship was either really great or really terrible. We could never seem to have an in-between or be stable. We were doing so-so for a while, and then things suddenly went to crap. Out of no where, he told me he's not happy and wanted to take a break. Then, two weeks later he came back, telling me he's in love with me and wants to fix things. I took him back and we did well for about another month, but then the same thing happened again. Now, I'm in a new relationship. Me and my new man have been dating for about five months. Now, this guy is doing and saying the same thing. He asked for a break, then came back trying to fix things, and then wanted another break. I don't know what to do. It's like every time I develop strong feelings for someone, they run. Is it me? How do I get a man to stay with me without running away?

Thanks for writing in. Guys are much needier in relationships than women tend to let on. This neediness grows the longer you're with someone. Men will never tell you they need more affection (because they feel it's not very manly). Since I don't know all the details to your relationship, I can only go by what I do know. You've had two relationships with the same outcome. Is there a pattern/stero-type with the men you are choosing? Are these men explaining why they want a break? Here are some tips on how to get and keep a man.

1.HIS INTEREST SHOULD BE YOURS

A woman's interest, at times, can be self-based. Whether it's fashion, occupation, health, etc. Women are conditioned to not be interested in things they can't immediately relate to. Listen and learn what he likes. A good man wants to share his interest with his bae. Whether he's into cars, stocks or outer space, learn about it. I guarantee you'll see an increase in men wanting to have a conversation with you, and then maybe stick around for something more.

2. BE EASYGOING

I certainly don't mean you shouldn't expect your partner to listen to you. By being "easygoing," I mean not nitpicky. Be open to new ideas. Doing things like, camping out for a weekend with no running water. Don't be so hell-bent on wearing this or not eating that or not hanging out with this person. Be appreciative and outgoing to what your man wants to do, even if it's not what you like. The key point is he's making an effort. Sometimes that's all that matters. He's trying, so give him credit and don't put him down for it.

3. BE ASSERTIVE

Be assertive, not pushy. Let him plan the first date. But after that, tell your boyfriend what you like. Don't expect him to be a mind reader and automatically assume he's supposed to know everything. Also, don't be shy to tell him what you want in bed. Be gentle about the subject. If you're with a guy who doesn't help get you off, and you're scared to tell him how to, then you and him are gaining nothing from the relationship. Guide/show what you need him to do.

4. EMPATHIZE WITH HIM

Women are more likely to have a wide support system with emotions, because they're most likely to seek one. There's an immense pressure for men to be macho and "the protectors." Men are less likely to ask for help beacuse they're afraid of people thinking they are weak. Show him you understand his fears and do not judge him for it. Stand by his side and show him he's your macho man whether he's scared of the dark or confrontation.

5. LOOK YOUR BEST

Unfortunately, looks are the first thing anyone see's before they get to know you. Always look, act and dress your best. Not only will you get attention but it will help boost your self-esteem when you look in the mirror. Don't get to comfortable with your appearance of bumming out around the house, even if you've been with someone for a long time. Keep in mind, there are lot's of women parading around to make a man's head turn. Make sure it's not your man.

6. NO NAGGING ZONE!!!

Whether you're PMSing or just in a bitchy mode, DO NOT NAG your man to death. When a man come's home from work/school he doesn't want to hear the sink is clogged, you can't stand his mother or why he doesn't take you out more often. Give him a plate of food, a hug and a kiss and keep your lips zipped. Every man hates a nagging woman and won't want to stick around another second. It's a deal breaker for almost all relationships. There is always a right time to tell your man the sink is clogged or how his mother offended you. Just don't do it when he's tired and not in the mood. Approach the situation with wisdom. A running mouth equals a running man!

7. KEEP HIM INTERESTED

If you have a man that has commited towards you, congratulations! Now, it's your responsibility to keep him interested. Although SEX is a giant key factor, a man still needs more and so do you. Respect is probably the most important thing that men desire in a relationship. No man likes to be belittled, directly or otherwise. So show him respect and he will have one less reason to leave.

8. HOME CARE TAKER

No man want's to come home to a dirty house, whether you live together or not. A man want's a woman who can make and take care of a home. They love coming home to a place that is, actually, homely and welcoming. So get yourself off the couch and shine up your place before he comes over!

9. CHEF

Men like a women who will cook consistently. You can win a man's heart through his stomach. Unless your cooking is exceptionally bad, you really do not need to take cooking lessons or spend time preparing hotel-type dinners. Men just want good food, and you'll be glad to know their not very picky. If anything, cook more of what he already likes, the way he likes it.

10. INTIMACY

After you've landed your dream guy and are in a committed relationship, give him the goodie's! Initiate SAFE SEX from time to time. But also understand that there will be times when he will not feel like having sex. It has nothing to do with you. Men lose their libido whenever they are stressed out or are suffering from fatigue. Try not to push, as too much pressure will just make it worse. However, when he's down for it, be spontanous and kinky. Don't be shy to try new things! Find out what he likes and act it out. Be creative!

11. LIMIT YOUR GUY FRIENDS

No man wants to feel second best or feel like they have competition when it comes to their lady. If he feels uncomfortable with you hanging out with other guys, then don't. Men want to feel important and first in your life. If you cannot put them first, trust me when I say they will find someone who will.

12. FAMILY TIES

Whether you're in a casual relationship or heading down the road to marriage, I cannot stress on how important it is to get a long with your man's family, no matter how horrible they may be. You do not want to ever make him choose between you and his family. He will resent you later on for it, and the relationship will soon come to an end.

On a final note, don't let any man treat you less than your worth. Taking a BREAK, is a bunch of BS! If a man needs time to know whether or not they love you then their not worth your time. Date a man who has husband potential, even if you have no intent on marriage anytime soon. You want a man to treat you like the Queen that you are. Always keep in mind how hard you had to work to get your dream guy. Once you landed him, you can keep him. Just be what he wants you to be: A WOMAN, A LADY AND A PARTNER WHO WILL RESPECT AND LOVE HIM.

#Men #Relationships #Howto