WHO'S THE DADDY?

Dear DL,

So basically, here's my situation. I'm only 14 years old. I have a mum that freaks out about everything. Last year, she found out I'd given a boy head and took me to the doctors. She said I needed psychiatric help. The doctor gave us a referral and I had to see a counsellor for three months. It's really stupid that me mum thinks she's a real mum, when my grandmother is the one who is really raising me, since me mum works all the time. My grandmother lives with us and is a bully. She tells me almost everyday that I'm fat, ugly and worthless. She's not as bad as my step-father, who has serious anger and depression issues. I can't stand him. Iv'e been rooting for the day me mum tells him to fuck off. He hates me because I'm not his real daughter. A few weeks ago I met up with this guy, who is 16, unemployed and doesn't go to school. I didn't expect anything to happen, but it did and we had unprotected sex twice that day. He loves children and wants kids, but has no means to support a child. I have also been speaking to another guy who is 17. Gorgeous blonde hair with sparkling blue eyes. He is boarding a room in a home with randoms. This guy works five days a week but does not want a family yet. His life is his work, friends and weed. He picked me up from school, and I didn't think anything of it. We had unprotected sex, twice that day. This was three weeks ago. I missed my period and took four pregnancy test, which all came back positive. My parents are going to flip, but not as bad when they want to know who the father is and I don't know. Im going to end up being thrown out of school and home. I don't belive in abortion, so that's not an option. Before you go telling me I'm a fucking idiot, don't bother, I already feel like one. I know what I did was wrong. Neither of the guys are capable of being a father. I haven't spoken to either one of them since I had sex with them. They both have other girls in their lives. Everyone is going to freak out and things are going to be horrible, and really I just don't know how to handle it all. Do you have any advice you could offer me?

Thanks for writing in. No judgement is ever made with Dirty Laundry. I applaud you for seeking advice. You may be feeling confused, scared, or shocked by the news of being pregnant. Pregnancy, no matter what age, is hard to deal with. The emotional and physical changes can take a tow on your health. Your first step is to find the means to better communicate with your family and the two gentlemen that are involved. There's other options besides abortion you may want to consider. Here are some guidelines step by step.

1. PREPARING TO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS

No matter what your relationship is like with your parents, you never know how they are going to react. Your parent's personalities also play a big part on how they will handle the news. If you think you will be in danger by telling them, it may be a safer alternative to have someone else tell them while you are not physically present. This will give them time to react, (negative or positive), without causing any physical or emotional harm to you. If you have no one you can rely on to help you relay the message, then you may want to consider talking to your parents through text or a simple phone call.

2. THE CONVERSATION

First, find the words. You might start off with, "I have something difficult to tell you. I found out that I'm pregnant." Then wait. Allow your parents to absorb what you said. 

3. BE PREPARED TO DEAL WITH THE REACTION

What happens next? Will your parents be angry, stressed, or emotional? Will they lecture you? Use harsh words? Ask a ton of questions? It's good to think ahead about what you might do and how you may feel once your parents know.

4. GIVE YOUR PARENTS TIME TO SPEAK

Give your parents time to speak without jumping in. Listen to what they say, even if it's a bunch of ignorant/unplesant words coming from their mouths. Let them yell or vent.

5. TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL

Share your fears and worries. Putting your feelings into words takes plenty of maturity and its not easy to do so, but should be respected and appreciated. Don't worry if the words don't come out perfectly, or if you cry or get emotional while saying them. If you can't express your feelings out loud, consider writing a letter.

6.TELLING BOTH POTENTIAL FATHERS

Whether through phone, text or in person, you need to talk and explain the situation to both potential fathers. A DNA test can be performed once the child is born to determine who's the father.

7. DESCISION TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY

Now that you've told your parents, you'll have some important decisions to make. Talking decisions over with others can help. Whatever you decide, it needs to be what you want, not what someone else wants you to do.

-PARENTING

Be aware that becoming a teen parent affects your education, job, financial future, and the child's father. A lot of teens have their babies and choose to parent. The struggle's are hard and it doesn't help if you don't have the support you need from family or friends.

-ADOPTION

There are many differnt types of adoption. A lot of adoption places will allow you to choose and meet in person the family that adopts your child. In most cases, and according to the laws of where you reside, housing and living expenses are available during your pregnancy. You have choices such as an OPEN ADOPTION. An Open Adoption will give you a form of contact with your child's adoptive family, vs a CLOSED ADOPTION which is private and the information of the adoptable parents will not be given to you, and you will not be allowed to try and contact them or your child. Regardless of what you choose, if it's adoption, your child will be blessed with an amazing family and have a chance to have a better life.

On a final note, you are not alone! You are not an idiot either. Yes, you made a bad choice but I can see your trying to find a solution for the problem. Hold your head above your family's negativity. You will get through this. You have not ruined your life, but instead, have changed it. You can either adjust to those changes, but keep in mind you cannot run from them. There is a life growing inside you that is relying on you, and no matter who stares, who judges, who talks crap, the fact is you have to stay strong for your unborn baby. Whether or not you choose to parent or put your baby up for adoption, you must remain strong for that child's success. Always remember, when you have unprotected sex, pregnancy is not the only thing you should worry about. Sexualy Transmitted diseases are very real. Unprotected sex could lead to some serious life threating illnesses such as aids, herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV). Please choose to protect yourself next time you have sex. Your going to get through this!

#Pregnancy #Baby #TEENAGEPREGNANCY #DADDY