HOW TO TELL YOUR PARTNER WHAT YOU WANT...

Dear DL,

Me and my new chicken took the leap to consummate our relationship. It was beautiful, passionate and gentle. He cruises like the Titanic. Not to mention he's fully packing. I'm his first boy on boy action. I'm a gentle giant for first timer's switching teams. However, I expect more by the third go. I wanted to journey into a path of a hurricane in the bedroom. Instead, gentle and slow kept making re-runs. He doesn't understand what I want, how I want it and when I want it. I don't know how to tell him without making him feel bad. Sex to me is a lot like food. Sometimes I feel like eating a burger, and other times I feel like having steak and lobster. Don't get me wrong, passionate love making is wonderful, but sometimes I just want a good fuck. How do I tell my new boy toy without hurting his feelings?

Thanks for writing in. Lovemaking is 90% seduction and 10% execution. Hardcore sex is more of an untamed vibe that makes you tear off each other's clothes and go all type's of crazy. You make love to someone your in love with, while you have casual sex with someone you don't have feelings for. However, lovemaking can be wild too, and it doesn't always have to be routine, gentle and slow. You and your partner should be able to explore your passions, likes and dislikes together. True intimacy requires breaking your comfort zone. It sounds like the two of you care about each other, and your new man could be taking it easy because it's his way of expressing how he feels for you. Your also his first boyfriend. Keep in mind he's still new to the experience. You can choose your words carefully but don't be scared to show him fierce actions. Talk him through it. Let him know what you want, and see is he's down for it. Guide him. I'm sure he'll appreciate the knowledge and experience. Show him the difference between Lovemaking and Sex. Here are some tips for both men and women:

1. PRE-SEX STROKES

Touch is a very big part of intimacy. If your man is known for his gentleness, then start off gentle. Never rush into something new. You never know what his reaction would be, especially if he just switched teams. Trace slow, soft circles and waves along his forearms, neck, the palms of his hands and any other sensitive body part's. This will electrify the nerves under his skin. Do this while you talk to him, telling him what you want and specifying what those things are. These strokes will excite him, making it hard for him to say no to anything you want to try.

2. REASSURANCE

Give him reassurance that it's okay to explore your body, pointing him in the directions of what and where you want to be touched. Men and woman can be both insecure when it comes to trying new things. That's why reassurance is the best way to make your partner feel safe on his new journey of exploration.

3. SHOW and TELL

If your too self-conscious to ask for the type of foreplay you're looking for, try this subtle sex strategy: Put his forefinger in your mouth and suck on it slowly, or more fast pace, mimicking the exact motion you'd like him to use on you. Tell him that's what you want done between your legs. Forget the raunchy pillow talk. The language of surprise is understood so much better. Be passionate on praise with his performance (reassurance). Some reassuring words during his great performance could be words like, "Yes, yes! Right there!" This will let your man know that he's turning you on.

4. REWARD AND GIVE BACK

Once you've gotten your partner to open up a bit to some differnet things you might like, whether it was verbal or otherwise, make sure you continue to be openly rewarding. Give to get back the same amount of pleasure. Pay attention and listen to what he feels comfortable with and what he expects from this new experience. He's learning about what you like so you need to learn about what he likes.

5. HOME RUN

Once you've gotten past the foreplay and have paid attention to each other's wants and needs, it's time to make a home run. Whether it's love or sex, it can happen in all types of ways and all types of forms. Since your guiding your new man, teaching him how to satisfy you, you can move past the gentle and slow phase. If you want your bottom grabbed show/tell. If you want your hair pulled show/tell. Talking dirty will also help this process. Whisper what your going to do to him to get him worked up. Communication is so important for anything you do in a relationship. Take charge in the bedroom, making it all about what you like. You want to emphasize how it turns you on. Regardless if you want it rough or gentle, be vulnerable to him. You should feel vulnerable because of what you share. Focus on revealing yourself to him. Then when he gets it right, tell him. Continue to reinforce your framwork of postive feedback. You want a solid sense of sexual trust between you. 

On a final note, remember to debrief after sex to keep feeding the positive feedback loop, by sharing something specific that you enjoyed about his touch or his lovemaking. He's certain to welcome your guidance when it arises, and likely to take that guidance to places that will delight and surprise you. Be sure to pack it, wrap it and strap it before you tap it! STD's are real and can happen to anyone. Yes, some are curable but then there are those such as herpes that's for life. STD's can even kill you. Aids can kill you! Use protection no matter who your with. It's better to be safe than sorry.

#Sex #RELATIONSHIP #gay